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HOW TO BE MENTALLY STRONG
A friend recently asked me how I became mentally strong.
He asked because over the past few months he’s seen me adapt to a set of challenging circumstances. The cause of this necessary change was not of my own doing. It was the fallout from the poor choices of another.
In the immortal words sung by Gloria Gaynor, “at first I was afraid, I was petrified.” I was having to accept a new reality that was unfamiliar and unwelcome. My mind kept shouting, “I don’t accept this. This is not a reality I want to deal with.” Anger, resentment, feelings of betrayal and injustice; they all bubbled in my heart like boiling water.
And yet, I rose to the challenge (and continue to rise).
Adapting to my new reality did require mental toughness. And as I’ve pondered my friend’s question, I’ve come up with five things which help me to be mentally strong.
1. Strong Principles
If you’ve ever seen a grape vineyard, you may have noticed that the branches of a vine grow along metal wires that are elevated above the ground. These wires “train” the vine to grow upward and outward so it gets plenty of air and sunshine, and produces the best grapes possible.
Just as elevated wires “train” a grape vine to grow upward and outward, strong principles train the mind along mindsets that elevate, expand, and empower.
For the past 20 years I’ve studied strong principles for an hour a day. That’s 175,200 hours of training my mind along the paths of strong principles. The result has been that the principles are planted in my heart, and my mind runs along their course.
In truth, my mind isn’t strong. The principles are strong. I’ve just wrapped my mind around strong principles and those principles bolster my mind up. So when challenges come my way, my mind is able to stand firm because of the strong principles which guide it, and hold it up.
2. Emotional Endurance
If you’re going to run a marathon, you must build up your physical endurance. If you want to be mentally strong, you must strengthen your emotional endurance. Without emotional endurance, the mind crumbles under negative feelings and emotions.
When I was in high school, I had the emotional endurance of Eeyore. Like the sad little donkey from Winnie the Pooh, when something upset me in a negative way, I would get so upset I’d forget to be happy.
Over the years, I’ve experienced breakups, disappointments, a broken engagement, job layoffs, financial hardships, divorce, and mistakes. Each tested my limits.
My emotional endurance has increased because I’ve endured pain and challenges. Time and again, when things have “gone wrong,” I’ve had to learn how to best manage my emotions. In doing so, I’ve been able to stay mentally strong as well.
3. Ownership
Being mentally strong requires you exercise ownership over Self. That means taking responsibility for your feelings, mindset, words, and actions. It also includes discerning when not to take responsibility.
When you have a sense of ownership over Self, things out of your control stop being personal. This allows you to take the position of a “third seat observer” and to be more objective about things. This doesn’t mean feelings and emotions go away. Rather, it means you are able to hold space for those feelings and emotions without being blinded or carried away by them.
4. The Power of Choice
Everything that is happening to you is part of your story, and you have the power to choose how the story goes. Things beyond your control may happen to you. But you always have the power to choose how you will act and think, and what the outcome will eventually be.
One of the most mentally debilitating choices you can make is to complain. Complaining literally wires your brain to be weak. On the other hand, choosing gratitude helps you to be mentally strong. Gratitude turns your attention to what is, rather than what isn’t. From this perspective, you are able to be more creative and action oriented.
When I was going through divorce, there was a moment when I focused on all the negative aspects. I felt overwhelmed and depressed, and I began to believe that the singular incident of divorce was going to brand me and define who I was for the rest of my life.
Thankfully, in another moment, a moment of clarity, I realized what was happening, and I chose to not be defined by one experience. I remembered that I choose who I am.
More recently, with this new reality I’ve come to accept, I didn’t want to do so initially. As I said before, my mind wanted to reject the new reality. But the power of choice allowed me to come to grips with what was unfolding before me, and to choose how I was going to proceed. I chose to rise.
5. Confidence and Trust
Confidence and Trust are two sides of the same coin.
Confidence is built on past experience. Think back on all the hard things you’ve endured. Remember how time and time again you’ve been supported, and guided, and helped. So far, you’ve survived all of your worst days.
Doesn’t that give you confidence?
Confidence is strongest when it rests on the Source of support, and guidance, and help. Call it God, the Universe, Light and Love. Whatever you will. When you notice that power in your life, and when you recognize its presence throughout the fabric of your existence, then your confidence begins to grow strong because you realize you are never alone.
On the flip side, Trust is built on hope. The hope of a better tomorrow. The hope that help is on the way. The hope that you can do hard things. The hope that all things will work for your good.
Your confidence may be shaken, but your trust can carry you through. Especially when placed on the most trustworthy of all. (Yes, I’m talking about God).
Armed with confidence and trust, you are prepared to adopt states, mindsets, and actions necessary for a favorable outcome.
Recap
If you want to be mentally strong, work on:
- Wrapping your mind around Strong Principles,
- Developing Emotional Endurance,
- Taking Ownership of Self,
- Exercising the Power of Choice, and
- Building your Confidence and Trust.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Everything I write is with the goal of helping others. If you thought of someone while reading this post, please share it with them. It might help them out.
If you would like to learn how to be mentally strong, please visit my website for more information.
(Top Photo by Vance Osterhout on Unsplash)
OWN YOUR BODY
Your Body is the vehicle through which Spirit and Mind accomplish their remarkable work. You express yourself and experience life through this vehicle. But if you don’t own that vehicle, you won’t get very far.
Remember your first car? Remember the feelings of freedom and joy when you first held the keys in your hand? Remember how proud you were of that car? It didn’t matter how old or how beat up it was. It was YOUR car.
You must have that same sense of ownership of your body.
If you don’t feel like you own your body, diet and exercise are ineffective. No amount of therapy or medication can bring about healing and wholeness without body ownership.
Remember: you are not your body.
Just as you are not your first car. Both are things which you can own and use to serve you.
Body ownership requires sensory awareness, so you can tell when things have shifted within you, and when you must adjust accordingly. When you own your body, you’re grateful for it and you love it. No matter what shape it’s in.
Even if it breaks down.
Thank You For Reading!
Everything I write is with the goal of helping others. If you thought of someone while reading this post, please share it with them. It might help them out.
If you struggle to own your body and would like to learn how to do it, please visit my website for more information.
(Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash)
Spiritual Hustler
When you are driven by a desire to make your vision a reality, you hustle. You hustle because you believe in yourself and in your vision. You hustle because nobody else can do what you do. You hustle because you know that success is inevitable.
Hustling paves the way for what you seek.
Do you hustle just as hard for your Spirit?
Spiritual hustle is vital. It is the work of mastering Self and communing with the Infinite. It is the drive to conquer challenges and be Spirit fit; to be true to Self and loyal to high standards.
Spiritual hustlers live in celebration and gratitude. They move through life building others, and making an impact in the world. They know that each day requires rituals that nurture and strengthen the Spirit. They recognize that meaning, connection, and growth come from spiritual hustle.
When you are possessed by the desire to be your best Self, you are a Spiritual Hustler. When you are committed to seek Truth, to align yourself with Truth, and to live by Truth, you are a Spiritual Hustler. When you seek to be more compassionate and serviceable to others, you are a Spiritual Hustler.
How will you be a Spiritual Hustler?
Thank You For Reading!
Everything I write is with the goal of helping others. If you thought of someone while reading this post, please share it with them. It might help them out.
Want to be a Spiritual Hustler? Visit my website for more information.
(Photo by Garrhet Sampson on Unsplash)
Unexpected Turns
This morning I was on my way to pick up my gym buddy, and found that all the streets into her neighborhood were blocked or rerouted because of a marathon that was taking place in the area.
I drove up and down the streets looking for a way in, but didn’t find one. My initial reaction was to feel annoyed at the inconvenience.
And then I began to reflect on other detours I’ve experienced in life.
Major Detours
Some detours are unintended, even unwelcome. While other detours are acceptable and willingly taken.
Unintended and unwelcome detours are usually life events that spin us around and disorient us from our perceived sense of Self and direction. Events like the loss of life and limb, or the loss of love and security, have that effect on us. Often these detours are sudden, and come without warning. But even if they slowly creep up on us in plain sight, the major change is usually unacceptable.
On the other hand, detours that are acceptable and gladly taken are those life events that strengthen our sense of Self and wellbeing. Events like a promotion at work, the decision to start a family, or any personal milestone or benchmark. These are the detours we accept.
The common denominator in all detours (unwelcome and welcomed), is change. Our capacity to successfully take detours is proportionate to our capacity to adapt to change.
Adapt or Die
How can we increase in our capacity to adapt and to change?
In two ways.
First, we must strengthen and align our sense of Self and wellbeing to the greater Truth of who we are and our place in the Universe. When we are firmly rooted and anchored in the knowledge of who we really are and where we belong, we become unshakeable. This keeps us pointed to “True North”, and prevents us from getting disoriented by detours.
Second, we must become comfortable with uncertainty. Detours and change are often coupled with uncertainty. Being comfortable in uncertainty is like pedaling a bike. A bike stays upright and moving forward because we pedal. If we stop pedaling, we lose forward momentum, and eventually topple over. Similarly, being comfortable in uncertainty keeps us moving forward and prevents us from toppling over during detours. Also, the more comfortable we are with the unknown, the better we are able to remain still and find our bearings.
When we are masters of change, fluid and flowing like water, then all detours become advantageous. All detours put us in the right place. And instead of Life happening TO us, Life happens FOR us.
The Soul’s Sincere Desire
I like the verb commune. It means to share or exchange intimate feelings and thoughts with someone or something; especially on a spiritual level.
There are different ways to commune: art, dance, music, poetry, play, intimacy.
When it comes to communing with Father (God, Goddess, Spirit, Light, Source, The Universe, etc), prayer and meditation are the best ways to do it.
Through prayer you share intimate feelings and thoughts with Father. As James Montgomery wrote:
Prayer is the soul’s sincere desire,
Unuttered or expressed;
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast.Prayer is the burden of a sigh,
The falling of a tear
The upward glancing of an eye,
When none but God is near.Through meditation you tune yourself to be at one with Father, with Self, and with Others. You remember that you are whole, not separate or broken. You gain awareness of the Father’s influence and love all around you, and come to a greater comprehension of Self and the nature of reality. You develop an intimate relationship with Father, and become familiar with His nature and character. Your trust in Him strengthens.
Prayer and Meditation are most effective when you practice them with your whole being (spirit, body, and mind). Especially when you use our your whole being to share and to listen.
As you learn to commune with Father, with Self, and with Others, prayer and meditation become an automatic response throughout the day. You feel more connected, more present, and more at peace. Your relationships improve. You become more resilient when faced with challenges, and you are able to conquer those challenges.
Imagine a life where every day you share your soul’s sincere desire. That is the beginning of an inspired life.
But what are we creating? Heaven or Hell?
We live in the most abundant age in the history of the world, and yet we face a spiritual deficit.
The current conditions around the world are manifestations of our collective spirituality.
Injustice, hate, violence, hostility, dishonesty, and fear, are all symptoms of the condition of our spirit, body, and mind.
The responsibility falls squarely on each of us. Not on religion, or government, or science, or culture.
I take responsibility for the world I’m living in, and the world I’m creating for future generations.
I choose to rise up spiritually.
I choose to be better every day.
I choose to be more kind, more compassionate, more just, more truthful, more loving, more patient, more humble, more grateful, more honorable, more peaceful, more playful, more joyful.
Together we can create a world where we are all pure in heart.
Will you join me?
Air and Sunlight
We live and breathe in a field of air and sunlight.
Even though the field is all around us, it often goes unnoticed and unattended because it is invisible to the eye.
The same is true with the spiritual field.
Like fish who live and breath in water without being aware of it, we often live and breath in a spiritual field without being aware of it.
The more we wake up and become aware of the spiritual field all around us, the more we live an inspired life.
Healed and Whole
She was crying. I didn’t have to ask how she felt. Her tears showed it.
She wasn’t crying tears of sadness or pain. She was crying tears of relief.
Decades of repressed emotions were being released. Each tear washing away pain, anger, frustration, fear, disappointment.
After a while, her tight quivering jaw softened. Her breathing slowed, Her shoulders relaxed. When the tears finally stopped, she sighed, and all she could say was:
I feel healed.
And then the tears of joy came.
The snippet you just read happened a couple of days ago during a coaching sessions with a client. And it was repeated with several other clients during the past week.
I share this with you because many people still don’t know what a life coach does.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I get asked this question a lot. Because life coaching is a relatively new profession, most people aren’t as familiar with it as they are with other professions such as nurse, teacher, lawyer, etc.
Whenever I tell people I’m a life coach, the most common reactions I receive are:
- Curiosity. Some wonder if it’s like therapy or counseling.
- Cynicism: Some will ask: “What? You teach people how not to suck at life?”
- Confusion. Some immediately go into a blank stare when they hear the title “life coach” because it’s a foreign concept and it just doesn’t register in their heart or their mind.
While different coaches focus on different things and use different methods, the best coaches achieve two major results for their clients:
- Healing
- Wholeness
When a client feels healed and whole, she shows up in her life and relationships in a powerful way, making life happen instead of waiting for life to happen. She remembers who she truly is, manifests her purpose in life. and lives inspired.
HEALING
Whenever a negative energy or condition turns into a positive one, that is a healing.
It is a miracle and a wonder that our bodies can heal without any conscious thought from us. Who knows how many different ailments, maladies, diseases or otherwise, are naturally transformed from negatives into positives without us even realizing it.
Sometimes though, our body needs outside help. It may be in the form of an over the counter medicine, the trained skill of a medical professional, or the gifts of a spiritual healer like myself.
And it’s not just the body that require outside help every once in a while. The spirit and mind also need help. A spirit burdened with guilt or shame or pride, will affect the body and mind. A mind fixated on the past or worried about the future, will affect the spirit and the body.
Once healing happens in spirit, body, and mind, then wholeness can begin.
WHOLENESS
Being whole means to be at one with Self, Others,and God (the Universe).
In wholeness, Love is the expression; Gratitude and Appreciation are the overall attitudes.
In a world where competition seems like the natural order of things, it may seem impossible to be one with anything or anyone, including our own selves.
The truth is, as we become at one with everything, we realize there is no competition. Only existence. And in existence, things are free to come and go, to transform, to be who or what they truly are and always have been.
At times, this brings us to some seemingly irreconcilable differences. Things that appear to contradict each other (e.g., religion and science), and to which there is no available answer as of yet.
That’s ok. Wholeness doesn’t require a perfect knowledge and understanding of everything. All it needs is an ability to hold space for the known and the unknown, the light and the shadow, the positive and the negative. When this space exists, wholeness flourishes.
THANK YOU
I appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts and feelings on Coaching, Healing, and Wholeness. If you believe this will benefit a family member or friend, please share it with them.
If you or someone you know is in need of healing or wholeness, contact me. I will be happy help in any way I can.
Why Your New Year Resolutions Don’t Stick
It’s January 1st.
A new year.
You have a fresh batch of 365 days, and you are not going to waste a single one. You are going to make the days count. You made resolutions and you are determined to keep them.
This is you:
On day one you are so motivated, you know you’re going to keep the resolutions come hell or high water.
On day two you realize it’s going to be a bit more difficult than you imagined, but hey, you have grit and you will endure.
On day three the bargaining begins. You really do mean to keep your resolutions, and if you were perfect you’d keep them perfectly. But you’re not perfect, so it’s ok if you miss the mark here or there.
Days four and five are when you renew your commitment to yourself. You will keep your resolutions. Especially since you’ve figured out all the possible ways to cut corners, bend the rules, make compromises, and still accomplish your resolutions.
Day six…Daaaay…Six. You know…resolutions are kinda silly anyway. You can set and not accomplish goals any time you want. So why stress about not accomplishing a goal now?
Day seven…
Forget it! You made it through last year without accomplishing your resolutions. Why should this year be any different?
And another year goes by, and you still don’t reach your goals.
But you had every intention of keeping your resolutions! Why didn’t you stick to it? Because you tried to change behavior without changing you.
That’s like a caterpillar trying to go from crawling to flying without changing into a butterfly. It’s never going to happen!
Lasting Change
Most resolutions are outcomes that require a change in behavior: losing weight, earning more money, making new friends, traveling more, etc. But change in behavior doesn’t just happen when you start doing something different, and you write it down, and you send it out to the universe, and you have an accountability buddy.
No. Change in behavior happens when your Soul shifts.
Lasting change in behavior requires a Soul shift from who you are right at this moment, to who you want to be. This Soul shift involves a change of Spirit, Body, and Mind.
Your spirit must see and choose something different. It must believe there exist a version of you who behaves in harmony with your desired outcome.
Your body must feel and taste the outcome. It must hum with the energy of being that outcome!
Your mind must use language that is congruent with this new version of you. It must understand that the new you is real, and not an impostor pretending to be something you’re not.
When you experience a Soul shift, then your behavior changes. And then you will stick to your resolutions.
Thank You
I am grateful to you for reading this post. Check out the other posts in the blog, and please leave a comment or share a post with a friend.
If you would like to make a Soul shift that leads to sustainable new year’s resolutions, contact me for guidance and help.
